Tagged? Are you kidding me?

So I got tagged by this "8 Facts About Me" meme. From what I can tell, a "meme" is a trendy new cultural thing that everybody who's anybody is supposed to know about and, I guess, feel good about themselves because they know about it. The particular meme seems to just be a blogging version of a chain letter. I've seen it bouncing around and I guess it was inevitable that it got to me eventually, despite the fact that I am hardly trendy and am effectively a dead end on the blogworld street map. Anyway, I'll give my best effort to play along and not be a total stick in the mud.

First, the Rules:

1) Post these rules before you give your facts

2) List 8 random facts about yourself

3) At the end of your post, choose (tag) people and list their names, linking to them

4) Leave a comment on their blog, letting them know they’ve been tagged



Whatever. I've never been a stickler for rules on things that don't matter, especially those that come uninvited via the internet. We'll see how I do.



Some facts:

1) I hate the word "meme". It just drips of elitist internet speak. (Or 1337, if you're that into it.) I'm aware that the word was coined before the internet, but it seems to be everywhere now, since the internet allows a complete explosion of new trendy things you're supposed to keep track of. Google "meme" and you get 322,000,000 hits. It's right up there with "blogosphere" as a word that I wish will go away, but I know will only get stronger. This is probably why I am unlikely to ever be trendy.

2) I used to drive a bus for the University of Virginia. It was a pretty cool student job, as far as student jobs go. We had fairly flexible scheduling options and decent pay, and we didn't have to wear aprons and slop mashed potatoes. We did have uniforms, but they consisted of either a crappy blue shirt or a slightly less crappy blue jacket (I still have mine.) which, as we wore them, made us quite possibly the least professional looking bus drivers you've ever seen. Maybe they've gotten better, but I wouldn't count on it. When your main customers are either irritated nurses or drunken students, it's hard to get worked up about your appearance. The best thing about it all is that it's where I met my wife. I admit I didn't recall her right away the first time I saw her. She was one of a group of new trainees that I met all at once. I'm pretty sure she remembers me though. I was the longhair in a red bandanna rolling around in a wheelchair. I wasn't damaged at the time; I was just showing the newbies how the work the lift on the bus. Romantic, huh?

3) I was a pretty good bus driver too. Each year, most bus companies host a competition among their drivers called a Roadeo. (See the brown box near the bottom of the linked page.) You drive bus around a cone-filled obstacle course, check out a rigged bus for problems, and take a written knowledge test. The top four finishers go to the state Roadeo and the winner from that goes to a national competition. I went to the state Roadeo 3 times, having won ours twice. I came in 3rd once at the state level. I may have come in 2nd once as well, but I could be remembering wrong. This, despite the fact that we kind of made a joke of our competition. The last obstacle on the course was the "controlled stop". You are just coming out of the "diminishing clearance" obstacle, in which you floor it and go through a set of traffic barrels that start with one foot of clearance on each side of the bus and end with one inch. Some people tried to do this right, but many just tore through the barrels on one side, with the logic that if you aren't really going to try anyway, at least you only lose half the points. What we really liked was taking this now-speeding bus, and doing the "controlled stop". This consisted of a cone straight ahead of you. You are supposed to stop within 6 inches of it with one constant controlled braking application. You can't see the cone by the time you are that close, so, to do this right, you need some skill. We, however, preferred to call it the "panic stop." Our method consisted of keeping the speed up until the last minute and slamming on the brake to skid to a stop. Yes, you can skid a bus. It's quite a rush and can't be good for the vehicle. Some people occasionally got close to the cone, but most proved that it's a good thing nobody sat in front of it. We fished a lot of cones and barrels out from under buses. Anyway, the point is that, despite that level of training, I still managed to do well at the state Roadeo. Yay for me. (This is probably more pathetic than Al Bundy continuing to subsist on the glory of one high school football game, isn't it?)

4) Speaking of driving, I drove a race car in college for a short time. It was a Legends car, which is a small race car meant to be a relatively cheap way for people to get into real car racing. The UVA Mechanical Engineering Department bought one, along with several other ACC schools, and we competed against them several times. The program was just getting started as I was leaving, so there wasn't much to it at the time. Several professors were working on getting a motorsports curriculum started, which is now up and running and I think it involves two cars and quite a few students. I didn't actually compete in the car much. I wasn't a bad driver, but others were much better, although, unlike several of them, I never crashed it.

5) I've lived in 6 states and one foreign country. As well as I can remember, I've visited 38 states and 5 countries, staying at least one night in 28 and 3, respectively.

6) I was a pole vaulter in high school. By the time I graduated, I held the school record at 12' 6". Those of you who know anything about pole vaulting probably already realize that, although it's over twice my height, that's not a very impressive number. I only did it for a year and a half, and there hadn't been any pole vaulters for a few years. The track coach got us started, but he didn't know what he was talking about, and we only got to about 8' 6" that first season. I and one other guy that had some skills went to a pole vaulting camp that summer and came back to coach ourselves the next year. By the time I left I had that record I mentioned, but nobody outside the school was impressed (and most people in the school were unaware). The other guy was two years behind me and got to something like 14' the next year. He ended up getting a scholarship somewhere to continue, maybe even with real coaching. (I also tried high jumping for one season, and actually jumped 5' 10", which is over my head. Nobody was impressed though, because in the spring when the basketball players came back to track and field, they were hurdling our bar. Real high jumpers are up over 7 feet in high school.)

7) I'm a pretty good cook if I have a recipe, or at least some general guidance. However, if left to my own devices to come up with something, I look at the kitchen like it's Chinese market and I have no idea what's in the various packages. This works out well with Franny. She has no trouble breezing into the kitchen and grabbing random stuff out of the fridge and coming up with something good. However, it's almost comical to give her a recipe and see what actually comes out. I've seen 7-layer dip with only 6 layers. We make a good team though. She's an artist with no tolerance for details and I'm a computer who won't do anything until told, although I will do it well once pointed in the right direction.

8) I never would have guessed it, but I actually enjoy yard work now that I own a yard. All I remember of growing up was being forced (coerced/bribed/whatever) to mow the lawn. I was also cheap labor for Dad's planting and digging and building projects. Apparently I learned something from all that though. Now that I have a yard, I find myself interested perennials vs. annuals, ground cover, fill-in plants, flowers, trees, bushes, mulch, compost, and gardening gadgets. Who knew?

9) I do enjoy home projects as well. I learned a ton of this kind of stuff growing up. Dad and I always did pretty much any home improvement project ourselves. We rarely had anyone else come in. We did have an electrician tie our electrical additions into our breaker box, but we had done the rest of the wiring already. We also had a plumber install some copper piping. Other than that, we did pretty much everything else. Carpentry, electrical, drywall, painting, furniture building, concrete, hardware installation, repairs, whatever. I won't claim to be an expert at any of that, but I find that I'm not afraid to try most projects and I'm willing to find out how to do most anything. This is a source of continual amusement for Franny. "You don't know how to do that!" Sometime I do and sometimes I don't, but I'll try anyway. I haven't done anything too bad yet, although I occasionally do pull off some bonehead mistake that takes a bit of time to fix. Anyway, I usually get to impress my wife with my house skills. It's all about picking your audience.

10) I was in Navy ROTC for a year. I didn't get booted or anything, but I did feel like I didn't belong. Most of the other guys (and gals) were WAY too into marching in straight lines and keeping their hair buzzcut. I kind of figured that if the Navy ever decided they needed me enough to draft me, I'd be back, but until then, we were both fine without each other. I did however enjoy being on our pistol team. I never knew I had it in me, but I was pretty good with a .22 target pistol. This came back to me later when somebody pointed out that I had a very weird stance at an arcade shooting game but that it was kind of scary how good I was. It's been a while though, so I'm not sure it's still there.



Oops. Too many facts. I kind of got on a roll there. Too bad. Now you have some facts about me, along with a good deal of rambling. Congratulations if you made it this far. I'm not sure I know any bloggers who haven't already been tagged, so I'm just tagging everyone willy-nilly. If you feel tagged, put a link in the comments and I'll add you on here. In fact, I think I like the chain letter thing via a blog better than the e-mail way anyway. I can amuse myself with this silliness without foisting it on anyone else.

Green Bus Blues

Following a Yahoo! Picks link, I found the best of craigslist. One of the items was a Portland listing on how to ride the bus to OHSU. The normal person might not be interested in something from such a limited community, but it reminded me of something I saw back at UVA. For those who might not know, Franny and I met driving buses for the University Transit Service. One of UTS's major duties was transporting healthcare workers from the large university parking lots to work at the hospital. One of the riders, Erla Hagen, wrote a piece for some hospital newsletter regarding her experiences. I got hold of it and reprinted it in our "Transit Lines", the bus driver newsletter/party notice/rambling space. (This was done completely without Erla's knowledge or permission. I've never met Erla, except maybe as her driver.) I wrote it at home, and since my hard drive looks a lot like my garage, I still have it ten or so years later. Once again without Erla's input, I reprint it for any bus drivers that might be amused. (I know of only two that read this, but you never know.) Erla, if you see this and care one way or the other, let me know.

(On a similar note, I also liked the open letter from an elevator. Note that both craigslist links are rated PG-13 for the f-bomb. Sorry, Tutu.)

on the "green" bus blues...
Erla Hagan

Another one takes the bus... If you are one of the employees who ride the "GREEN" bus from U Hall to the hospital in the morning AND back to the parking lot in the evening, this long winded, country-western tale of the "Green Bus Blues" is for you, your immediate supervisor, the incredibly nice folks who drive the "GREEN" route, AND anyone with a guitar who wishes to put it to music.

On the front of the bus shelters (where the rain comes in over the seat only AND where it says to post-no-bills) are many sheets of instructions on the art and luck of riding the appropriate bus to work or class. I'm sure you "BLUE" bus (Scott Stadium to the Hospital and back) folks have your own romantic lore but this ballad-to-be is for "GREEN" bus people.

A case in point... If it is Wednesday AND it is before noon but after eleven, AND the temperature is above 50° AND it rained the night before AND the "GREEN" bus is facing up hill at the main shelter, AND the driver has a diaper pin piercing his left ear...That "GREEN" bus will go through Copeley Hill (the 8 minute scenic route) before going to the Hospital.

However, if it is Thursday, AND it is between 3:00 pm and 5:00 pm, AND the rain didn't start until after the sun was fully up AND it will not get above 35° that day AND there is a person in a purple shirt in the back of the bus, AND the driver is a female AND the bus is facing downhill at the main shelter...That "GREEN" bus will also go through Copeley before going to the Hospital.

Should the temperature be hovering around a sticky 92° AND the air conditioned "GREEN" bus is filled to capacity with Georgio perfume, Old Spice deodorant, Crest toothpaste, Dial soap, Desenex foot powder, Juicy Fruit gum, AND garlic bagels as well as a too ripe banana, AND the air conditioning is either not working, or the driver doesn't like it, AND the "GREEN" bus has been sitting at the main shelter for more than 8 minutes but not a full 10...That "GREEN" bus will go through Copeley before going to the Hospital.

On the other hand, if it is very cold, very wet, very late, AND a tad foggy, AND the bus was stuck behind a fender bender for 13 minutes before it was facing down the hill at the main shelter AND there is a basketball game the same night AND you can see the pale green glow of the digital "GREEN" route bus sign over the driver's seat AND the driver is eating sunflower seeds, AND the wet umbrella of the lady in the seat next to you is dripping on your new suede shoes...You are going to go directly to the Hospital, ASAP. However, due to the basketball game AND other circumstances too numerous to mention AND beyond anyone's control, there is always a possibility that you may not be permitted to return to your car within the same 24 hour period.

If it is beginning to bluster AND the approaching bus has obvious available seating, AND the driver is a person of either sex wearing a smile, AND the driver's neighbor on the left gives a 6 (on a scale of 1-to-10) to new age music, AND you can see the unmistakable "Green" glow of the sign in the distance, beckoning you to RUN to catch the bus AND it is your first "good hair" day AND you are carrying a book bag or purse, a briefcase, a sheet cake for the office party, AND you have not had that first cup of coffee to jump start your brain... you, breathless, with drooping hair, squashed sheet cake, and possibly heartburn, will just make it to the stop in time to see that the digital, "Green:" glow says "BLUE ROUTE" and neither it nor you will be going to Copeley Hill or the Hospital.

Are you keeping up? The bus is coming! What to do? Think, think, think.

A CAVEAT...On special holidays...(Like the Ides of March AND Hug your Turtle Day), all buses will be labeled "GROUNDS LOOP"--no matter which direction they are facing or which direction you wish to go...GET ON...the loop will put you out of circulation (no pun intended) for a full 30 minutes, but you will be sitting down AND out of the weather.

Oh yes, the last of the pale yellow signs on the shelter remind you to "PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT ALL OF THE BUS SCHEDULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE" AND "HAVE A GOOD DAY!"

_________________________________________________


Erla Hagan is editor of chicken~soup, director of bodytalk, and a "Green" Bus rider.