Polite Mizzings from a Tired Observer

I'm not one to pretend that most anyone else cares what my kid says or that other kids don't say things just as cute. That's why I don't spend much time touting the fact that the Mizz says the darnedest things. However, the Mizz does sometimes say things that amuse me as he's getting a grip on language and numbers and the world and such. My wonderful wife thinks I should record them from time to time, and this seems as good a place as any to do it.

One thing that's fun to watch is the development of numbers and math. The Mizz counts quite well up to about 15 these days, and can do simple adding and subtracting in his head up to about 5 or 6, which seems pretty cool to me. However, his grasp of what these numbers actually mean is interesting. He knows that he is 2. He's also pretty sure the Daddy is 3 and my old lady really is old at 4. Up until recently, 3 or 4 has stood in to mean "a lot." That's changing, though, as he's becoming more interested in larger numbers. He knows about 20 and 3o and on up, but he can't count to them and they don't seem to have any value to him except as new values for "a lot." He really got me the other day though when he was standing on the scale. He knows that he is about 20. 20 what, he has no idea, but it's 20. (He's actually about 30 lbs. these days, but he's usually hanging on the counter.) I asked him how much Daddy weighed, and he decided that I must be "ten-ty." I suppose I should be offended, as I can only assume ten-ty means the same thing to him as a gazillion.

One of my favorite Mizzizms so far came at a playground. We were working on taking a big step to get over a drainage ditch in the pavement. He looks down with a "What's dat?"

"That's a ditch, buddy."

"A bitch!"

"No, a ditch, with a D."

"Bitch, with a D."

"Not quite, buddy. Ditch, like Daddy."

"Bitch, like Daddy."

"Um, yeah. Something like that. Let's go follow that yellow line over there..."

True Portland Kid

Sitting down for dinner, I grabbed one of my favorite beverages, the wonderful juice of the barley. Thanks to fatherhood, that happens far too rarely these days, so I enjoy one when I can. Anyway, the Mizz sees the bottle and pipes in with, "Daddy sing the beer song???" Apparently I quote Homer Simpson more frequently than Julie Andrews.

In case you're unfamiliar, here is the beer song. I can't vouch for the exact right words, but this is the version that the Mizz hears.

Dough, the stuff that buys me beer,
Ray, the guys who sells me beer,
Me, the guy who drinks the beer,
Far, a long way from my beer,
So, I'll have another beer,
La, la la la la la beer,
Tea, no thanks, I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to, DOH!

Travelling again, but this time for fun

Last weekend, we wandered up to see my folks on Whidby Island along with my sisters' families for a reunion of sorts before all the new kids show up. The house is nice, but it was only barely able to contain everybody, as there were 15 of us -- 7 kids, 3 pregnant women, my mother, and a bunch of guys doing their best to keep up/tolerate the pregnant lady talk. None of us are new to it or bothered by it any more, but get real, it's not about us right now. Nobody cared how my boobs were doing or how my heartburn was going.

It was a lot of fun though, and the Mizz had a great time with his cousins, especially "Baby J", who lives in Seattle and will probably be "Baby" forever according to my son. Both of them are, for the moment, single children, and are not near as good at playing with others as the 5 from the Colorado household. Imagine our surprise when they turned out to have a great time together, pushing cars back and forth and just generally copying and following each other all over the place. It looks like they're going to be excellent big brothers.

This was probably our best road trip with the Mizz yet. He's finally getting to the point of being able to be entertained in the car for long stretches. He even watched the DVD player that Franny found on sale. Usually, shows don't interest him for very long. This was a pretty easy trip. Soooooo, I guess it's time for another one.

It was good to see everyone and it was good to do it before things get even crazier. Next time there'll be 10 grandkids running around. Based on the current crew, that should be even more fun.

This dolphin is awesome

This story is just awesome.

Two whales had stranded themselves behind a sandbar along a beach in New Zealand. They repeatedly tried to get over it, but the tide was going out and they were getting ever more distressed and exhausted. It looked bleak enough that conservation authorities were considering euthanasia. Beached whale usually suffocate under their own weight if they're out of the water for very long.

Along comes a white knight, or in this case, a dolphin. It somehow managed to communicate with the whales and got them to follow it down the beach a ways to an opening in the sandbar and back out to sea.

The whales are apparently safe, as there has been no further sign of them. The dolphin was already a popular sight at the beach since he has a history of playing with swimmers, but he's now a hero to boot.

Poor Risk/Benefit Analysis

$1,000 an hour? Seriously??? Actual total cost so far: ~$80,000 plus one rising political career. Still to be counted: legal fees, one wife (I assume), likely fines, and possible jail time. She's attractive, I suppose. Unless I'm missing something though, I guess I'm just not macho enough to think that sounds like good financial decision making.

Way to go Spitzer. I guess they just do scandals bigger in New York than we do out here in Oregon. Our best stuff seems to be garden variety "fact-finding" trips to Hawaii and the like. There was a state representative that was caught with meth after getting in a fight with her ex's new girlfriend or something like that, but I'm pretty sure nobody outside Oregon cared.

What really gets me about this guy is that he spent 8 years as attorney general of New York catching criminals and corrupt politicians using exactly the kind of financial techniques that nabbed him. She must have really been something.

If nothing else, I guess this gives the media something to get excited about besides pretening to care what voters think in otherwise politically irrelevant parts of the country.

(BTW, I can't really vouch for the accuracy of the picture. Yahoo news says it's the right person, but they lifted the picture from MySpace, so who knows?)

Toddler Manifesto

Franny e-mailed this to me. It came via an e-mail, via an e-mail, via an e-mail, etc., so I don't know where it actually came from. As Franny put it, the Mizz scored a 95, which is an A in anyone's book, but it looks like he still has at least a little bit of trouble to learn how to cause.

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed, or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the
floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or
table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without
protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am toddler!

Another Wedding Video (for starters)

After the wedding videos from the other day, I was amused to stumble on this one too:



I was ready to ignore that video until moments later, when I stumbled on the next one. I should be embarrassed about it, but I have a tad bit of unfortunate history with the song, so I just can't help myself. Sad. Very sad... (Tutu should probably not play any more of these. Just sayin'.)



I had no idea how much YouTubers (iPotatoes?) liked this song. Plus they have a lot of time on their hands. There are a ton of these remixes/homages.



That ought to be enough, but if for some reason you need it, here's the original. Does anybody remember when this video was considered too racy for MTV? A little before hardcore gangsta rap and endless spring break specials.



I wonder if I'll ever develop a sense of good taste???

Chelada!!!

Clam and tomato together seem bad enough as it is, but I can't think of anything worse with them than Bud Light. Also available in regular Budweiser flavor. I can only assume that I'm not the target demographic.

For the Wedding Nuts in my Family

Check out these Unusual Wedding Dance Videos.

Montana notes

Well, I made it back to civilization, at least compared to Montana. No offense, but there're more people in Portland than in the entire state of Montana. The biggest city in Montana (Billings, I think) still doesn't even have 100,000 people. (I sure hope nobody from Chicago or New York reads this and decides to start spouting statistics at me. I'm guessing that New York probably has more people than the whole Northwest. And don't even get me started on Tokyo and Mumbai and whatnot.)

I actually got back a day earlier than I expected. One of our customers declined service, so I could speed things up a little bit. They never said it explicitly, but I got the idea that money was tight, so they decided to forgo calibration this year. I'm not sure that's such a great plan. It's a little like deciding to do oil changes every 10,000 miles to save a few bucks. You'll probably still spend the money later and then some. It worked out for me though, so whatever.

I make a lot of noise, but I actually like travelling to Montana as far as travelling for work goes. People are friendly. The scenery is beautiful. This time around, there was some winter weather, but nothing that slowed me down. Lots of the rivers and lakes were frozen over, which is always cool. Lots of miles though. I think I put on about 2,400 miles in two weeks and stayed in 8 hotels, which is at least 6 too many. I have to give a shout out to La Quinta Inns though. Their rates are usually decent ($49.00 in Missoula for a single king room), the rooms are equipped well enough, and the beds I've had have always been extremely soft, which is a nice change from the ultra-firm plywood beds of the Super 8's and such.

I did have to be amused with Rock Creek, a little town near Missoula. Much of Montana is ranch land. Part of beef ranching is the annual activity of turning bulls into steers. Long story short -- you drive east from Missoula and see billboards for the Rock Creek Testicle Festival. That's all I'm about to say about that. I'll let the fine folks at TestyFesty.com deal with any further details.

On the way home, I happened to catch a radio story about a barge that hit and damaged the locks at the John Day Dam on the Columbia River last Friday. This is somewhat interesting in its own right, but it struck me because I was driving by the dam when I heard to story not too long after it happened. The lock was actually out of service for a few days, but the Corps of Engineers has since installed a temporary gate to restore passage to vital river traffic. The broken gate is floating on a barge until they can figure out how to make a permanent repair.

If this post sounds little random, it's because it's taken me almost a week to write in tiny bursts. I came back home to a sick toddler and last night was the first real good night's sleep this house has seen since I came home. Fun.

In penance for taking so stinking long, here're some interesting/funny videos that are not remotely related to Montana.