Overheard at work

Among the many places I work, I am occasionally in R&D test kitchens.  They're pretty cool actually.  These people can come up with anything and have very well stocked kitchens to do it with.  But anyway, standing around tasting things all day apparently makes you a little punchy.

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"It's kind of chewy."

"Yeah, you have to hold it in your mouth for a while, like for an hour."

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"It's a good source of calcium."

"It's also a good source of butt fat."

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"Did you taste that bean thing the other day."

"It was awful.  It was like beans cooked with grass clippings."

"All I could think of was dirt.  It really smelled like dirt when I microwaved it."

"It tasted like a funeral for your pet."

[I can't say as I understand that last part.]

Can you keep the printer not coming to me?

A couple weeks ago, the Mizz was babbling his way through dinner and among other things, he started talking about the printer.  For some reason, he blurted out, "Can you keep the printer not coming to me?", I believe as some sort of toddler joke.  I didn't understand, so I asked for some clarification, and he repeated it.  In talking about it, however, it became clear that his little 3-year-old brain had latched onto it, and he actually got worried that the printer was going to come and get him.  He really needed me to make sure to keep the printer away.  For the next couple nights, the last thing we had to discuss on the way to bed was that I would keep the printer not coming to him.  I finally managed to convince him that, first of all, printers didn't usually try to get kids, and second, I had tied it to the computer AND the wall AND the phone.  I showed him the collection of wires and cables sticking out of the back of it and that seemed to be that.

A short time later, the Mizz started to ask about fire.  I don't know exactly what triggered it, but he seemed pretty concerned.  Every night, he asked, "Will you come get me if there's a fire?"  Each night he thought about it a little more and it morphed into things like, "If there's a fire outside the window, and we open the window, the fire will come inside.  If there's a fire outside the door, and we open the door, then it will come inside and we'll have TWO fires.  If there's a fire in the WHOLE room, then we'll have to jump over it.  Will you help me jump over the fire?"  "We could build a hose INSIDE if there's a fire.  Will you build a hose inside?"  "That's why we have a smoke betactor."  "I have some more questions about fire."  It finally settled back down to, "Will you come get me if there's a fire?" and then kind of chilled out for a couple days.

Then last night, as I'm leaving the room, I hear, "Will you come get me if there's a fire or a printer?"

[Added 1/20/09:  He's recently added, "Will you come get me if there's anything that makes me sad?  But that's mostly just fires and printers."  It must be hard to be three.]

Welcome, 2009

Except for the most wonderful arrival of D in May, I can't say this has been my favorite year.  It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't exactly roses either.

It was pretty sad to watch the housing market and the economy slowly and obviously tank in front of my eyes while the talking heads all claimed this was just a blip or that was just a minor correction.  W won't be missed by many.  It's been pretty embarrassing to have him represent me to the rest of the world, and only to have him become more and more impotent and ineffectual as everybody wished desperately for someone else.  It's sad to see that we are still in two wars, neither of which appear to be close to an end, one of which has not even achieved the goals of getting rid of the Taliban and finding the ass who started this whole mess in the first place.

I'm fully aware that we'll pull through this.  We always do.  When backed into a corner, we've quite often shown ourselves to be a pretty resilient country.  Hopefully, Obama will be able to help channel that energy in a positive direction.  I'm am hopeful that he will at least be able to put a positive and more generally appreciated face on the country.  I feel like he's got a more realistic world view than we've had lately and that every situation will not be approached as black and white or right vs. wrong.  Is it too much to ask that we have a leader that keeps everybody's interests in mind and tries for the best for everyone?  Probably, but I can hope, can't I?

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Well, that was about the most pessimistic Happy New Year I could have come up with.  Plus it was a day late.  Shame on me.  It's really not that bad.  I've got a wonderful wife and two excellent boys.  I've got a decent house, which is still worth more than I paid for it.  Although it's probably not recession-proof, my job appears to be relatively secure.  (At the very least, we service a lot of wastewater plants, and no matter how bad the economy, nobody stops flushing. :)  We've got a new president coming on board that I actually like so far.  Plus a tin full of cookies and candy just showed up in the mail, so how bad can things be exactly?

Here's wishing everyone a happy and safe 2009!

Happy Chanukah!

Happy Chanukah!  I'm not quite late with this, but I'm cutting it close.  The Mizz has really enjoyed the celebration this year.  He still doesn't really get it, but he's very into candles and presents, so he's having fun.  It's been a little confusing for him this year with it spanning across Christmas, but a menorah burning with a lit Christmas tree in the background pretty much defines our family.  Maybe next year the Mizz will understand a little better, but until then Happy Chanukah to everyone.

(Incidentally, I always used to spell it "Hanukkah", but I'll allow that Franny should be the resident expert in the house, so now it's "Chanukah".)

Merry Christmas 2008!

Merry Christmas, everybody! I wish I could be with the rest of my family today, but I'm still very thankful for what I've got right here with me...

Due to inclement weather, Portland will be closed until further notice.

In Portland, we like to complain that we never see any snow.  Now we like to complain that the freakin' snow won't stop.  We have about a foot so far and it's still coming down pretty strong.  Everything is pretty much shut down.  Unless you're an EMT or a snowplow driver or a television reporter, there's no need to be anywhere, and no good way to get there.  After everybody on the street put our trash cans out last night, they decided that they won't be coming to pick them up until further notice.  Although Tri-met was official driving buses on most routes, I watched a guy at the stop outside my house for at least an hour.  I don't know if he ever got his ride.

I'm actually enjoying all this.  It's easily the most snow I've seen since we moved here, and since everybody is inconvenienced the same, I don't feel too bad about missing work.  It's been pretty cold (~20 degrees), so we don't spend much time outside, but it's beautiful, especially since it's mostly been snow and not so much ice lately.  Mizz loves playing outside and would stay until he froze to death if we let him.  D is not as impressed with the cold, but he loves staring out the window and watching snow fall with me.  Our main downfall to being outside is that we don't own much cold weather gear.  I dug out old ski pants and gloves for Franny and me, but the Mizz is playing outside in two layers of pants and fleece mittens.  We had to borrow a snow suit for D.  The Mizz has a pair of snow boots that we picked up somewhere, but Franny and I only have hiking boots and heavy socks.  But we're so enthralled with big snow that we go out and freeze anyway.

I noticed not long after we got here that weather reports on the west coast contain much more guess work the back east.  In Virginia, we got to watch the weather coming for days before it got to us.  Here, we have a dockworker 60 miles west squinting at the horizon, saying, "Weather's comin'."  Last weekend, they got it right on Sunday and the snow matched pretty well with what was predicted.  For the rest of the week, however, they predicted snow and ice everyday, and pretty much we just got wet roads that steadily improved all week.  Most area kids got the week off school, and lots of businesses were closed or limited.  Then Friday night, it was snowing, and for the most part, it hasn't stopped since.  Now I just heard that we might expect 5 more inches for some new records.  The National Weather Service updates/advisories/warnings have been changing every few hours and quite often don't match the last one very well.  Now, what was supposed to be rain by tomorrow afternoon has been changed to rain/snow and then more snow.  We'll see what actually happens, but for the moment, we're not going anywhere.

The best part though is that we're going to see the first white Christmas I've had in a long time.  Christmas lights look so much better in the snow.

Arctic Blast '08!!!

"This just in from our 24/7 Storm Tracker Team Coverage of Arctic Blast '08. We take you live to the corner of 36th and Yada Yada, where, for some reason, Susie the Weather Chick is reporting live from a gas station at 4:30 in the morning."

"As you can see behind me, the station is pretty much empty now, but is was busy last night as people prepared to hunker down for this winter storm. We talked to the clerk inside and he said it was slightly busier than normal last night and that people were buying Doritos to stock up. I want you to see something. Can we pan out and show the truck. [Pan out to see open delivery truck, probably delivering Doritos.] Well he's not there right now, but the driver was wearing shorts! Isn't that crazy? [Pan back to overexcited reporter.] Anyway, we thought we saw a few flakes earlier and we got pretty excited, but as you can see, it's just rain right now. The roads appear to be getting a little slick though. [Pan to show car driving by with no trouble whatsoever.]  It's looking like it going to get pretty interesting out here today.  Live from a gas station, this is Susie the Weather Chick.  Back to you."

"Thank you Susie.  Our [big breath] 24/7 Storm Tracker Team Coverage Arctic Blast '08 Storm Coverage Weather Center is just showing rain right now as well, but the National Weather Service forecasts that if the temperature drops below freezing, the rain could turn into sleet or snow and the roads would likely freeze over.  In other news, one source reports that if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped."

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Seriously, Arctic Blast '08 is what one station is calling our weather.  We did have a bit of snow and some ice, but it's hardly as newsworthy as everybody's pretending.  It's been raining only for most of the last 20 hours or so and does not look like it's going to be below freezing until this evening, but we're still under a winter weather advisory.  For the record, the preceding report was not near as fictional as it should have been.  Most of that is only slightly edited versions of what was actually reported.

On the fun side, the few flakes that were dropping yesterday morning were huge (1/8 inch) perfect snowflake shapes.  I'd never actually seen snowflakes that looked like snowflakes are supposed to look before.  I felt like a little kid for a moment.

Um...just watch this

This probably doesn't say anything good about me, but this video just about pegs my nerd-meter.

Gobama!

For all my noise last night about our outdated electoral system, it looks like the most popular candidate did manage to win again.  Congratulations, President Barack Obama.  (I know it's President-elect, but that's awkward.)

This is a weird situation for me.  I'm not normally one to wear my political preferences on my sleeve, or at least not to feel strongly about them, anti-W sentiment excepted.  But I'm actually happy for the outcome this time.  For the first time ever, I feel like I voted for someone that I actually want to see get the job, rather than just the lesser of two evils.  I don't pretend that Obama is without flaw, but he's the first politician that actually made me want to vote for him.

I have to admit, however, that after the last eight years, the Democrats would have had to nominate Tom Delay for me to consider voting Republican.

Electoral College Rant Spectacular Extravaganza

I've just been enjoying NBC's SNL Presidential Bash 2008, a collection of presidential skits as well as some new messages from the "candidates". I'm so tired of hearing about this stuff, but the lighter side is enjoyable.

I have been pondering our election system a lot lately. Once again, I'm flabbergasted that what remains the most powerful nation in the world still chooses it's leader with an anachronistic system like the electoral college. This was a weak compromise that barely managed to hold together a loose collection of former British colonies over 200 years ago. In the meantime, the central government has grown immensely in power and citizens essentially have real-time access to information. So why do we continue voting by a system that counts people differently based on where they live?

It seems that lots of people don't really know how the Electoral College works. Everybody is aware of the state map on election night that turns red or blue depending on the winner of that state, and the electoral college vote tally reaching for the 270 that means your candidate won. Most people are aware that there is some mysterious way that more people can vote for you, but you still might not get to be president. Al Gore, especially, is painfully aware of this. (It's happened before too, but not since 1888.) The trouble is that, contrary to popular belief, we are not voting in a national election at all. We are voting in 51 separate elections, the winner-take-all results of which are added together disproportionately to determine who gets to be president.

Your state's number of electoral votes is determined, according to the constitution, by the total of the number of senators and representatives it has. For instance, the most populous state, California, has 55 electoral votes, and the least populous, Wyoming, has 3. So California has approximately 18 times as many electoral votes as Wyoming. Fine, you say, California is much bigger, so it has more votes. However, California has almost 70 times as many people as Wyoming. What this means is that an individual voter in Wyoming has almost 4 times as much say in who get to be president as one in California. Oregon is quite a bit smaller than California, so we only get screwed by about 3 to 1. Yay.

The other problem is that the entirety of a states electoral votes are typically given to the overall winner in that state. That means that maybe more than 50% of a states voters--everyone who didn't vote for the winner--do not count at all in the national picture. Over 50% is correct. Thanks to third parties, the winners in many states have less than half the votes, but they still have more than anyone else.

Consider for a moment, California again. Say the winner got 51% of the vote and the loser got 49%. The winner gets all 55 electoral votes, and the loser gets squat. Consider the nearly 18 million people that 49% represents who are essentially not counted in the national totals. Now consider that that number equals more people than the 15 smallest states plus the District of Columbia combined. Fair?

This everything for the winner approach also gives rise to the idea of the swing state. Oregon is going to vote for Obama. Nobody really doubts this, which is the reason neither presidential candidate is bothering to visit us or promise us anything. Likewise, Obama doesn't stand a chance in Oklahoma, which means nobody cares about them either. But if you live in Missouri or Pennsylvania or North Carolina right now, demographic oddities mean you get visits every day or two. Not because you really matter more than I do, but just because the campaigns are playing the electoral math game. A change of 10000 votes in Pennsylvania might mean 21 electoral votes, while 10000 votes in Oregon is a footnote. Rather than trying to appeal to the entire country that they are trying to lead, the candidates spend their time pandering the the special interests of specific regions.

But you know what? There's no way this is ever going away. This system is enshrined in the Constitution, and that means it would take a Constitutional Amendment to change it. To pass an amendment, you need 2/3 of the House and the Senate. States representing about 10% of the population (the ones one the better end of the electoral stick), could stop this from happening. On the off chance this happened, you still need 3/4 of the state legislatures to ratify it. This means that states representing only about 5% of the population could stop it. So..., it's not going anywhere anytime soon.

I have many more problems with politics and politicians, but this is what's mainly on my mind right now. I'm sick of voters in Wyoming and D.C. and the Dakotas mattering more than I do. I'm sick of hearing about swing states or red vs. blue. I'm sick of being treated as if I'm irrelevant because my state leans strongly in one direction. I'm sick of voting based on a system designed by people who thought that a black person should only count as 3/5 of a white person. And I'm sick of news media and political junkies getting all hot and heavy about the electoral game without once questioning whether or not it's a good way to do things.

That said, flawed as I obviously think our system is, I'm incredibly happy that I get to vote, and that for the most part, elections are taken as valid and power is transfered peacefully, regardless of the election mess. I'm also happy that I live in Oregon, and thanks to our 100% vote-by-mail system, I've already voted. This means I don't have to worry about it tomorrow. It also means that, since current outstanding voter lists are available to pollsters and campaign staff, I haven't received a political phone call in days. For the rest of you who have to wait, make sure to get out there tomorrow and vote, especially if you want the right to grumble about it later.

(Sorry to geek out on the numbers, but I got on a roll.  In case you're interested, my numbers are rough calculations based on the numbers I found on Wikipedia.)