Dr. Suess is mostly good, but...

The Mizz loves this book. I don't.



If you can't see the video, click here.

Toddler Manifesto

Franny e-mailed this to me. It came via an e-mail, via an e-mail, via an e-mail, etc., so I don't know where it actually came from. As Franny put it, the Mizz scored a 95, which is an A in anyone's book, but it looks like he still has at least a little bit of trouble to learn how to cause.

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed, or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the
floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or
table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without
protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am toddler!

And the Mother-of-the-Year Award Goes to...

...the woman in Oklahoma who decided to use her toddler as a shield when a bounty hunter tried to use a taser on her boyfriend. There are just so many wonderful parts to this story, I don't know where to begin.

Maybe this is why my sister decided to have so many kids. A little army of human shields. For like 9 years, she's had someone small enough to keep her out of harm's way. Heck, for most of that time, she's been able to have at least two of them at wearable age; a toddler in a backpack with a little one strapped on the front. A little drooling flak jacket. Good thinking Jenn. Maybe there's a method to your madness after all.

I'm not sure the Mizz would stop much. He's kind of a bean pole. His alarm scream is excellent though.

I KNEW IT!!!

Check out this story! OK, I admit it's not exactly a damning indictment of Baby Einstein, but it does seem to fit with what I imagined all along. These silly videos capture attention, but don't really enrich a baby's development. Kind of like a car wreck. You can't not stare at it, but it's hardly adding anything to your life.

[Addendum 8/13/07: A news outlet man-on-the-street reaction to this story.]

Talking Toddlers

We've been marvelling at the rapid improvement in the Mizz's language skills lately. They are still pretty simple, but we can actually have conversations with him. So it was a cool coincidence that Yahoo recently carried a LiveScience.com article entitled "Secret to Toddler Vocabulary Explosion Revealed." The article itself is pretty simplistic, relying far too much on an overstretched metaphor about filling up jars. However, there are several links in the article that go to more informative and in-depth information about children's speech development. Interesting stuff.